UberCardinal

The question on the minds of many is "who will become the next pope?" the next ... ubercardinal, if you will. The Daily Iowan (our student newspaper) has dared to take on this question. Here's a list of qualifications taken from a weekly top-ten-style humor column called "The Ledge."

Qualities for the new pope
by Nick Narigon

• Big enough head to wear that hat.
• Preferably Catholic.
• Must be drug free. There will be a test.
• Must have at least three references. One should be God.
• Required readings: The Bible and The Da Vinci Code.
• Must be able to smite heathens in case of emergency.
• Should have never had his own talk show.
• Be able to pass a physical.
• Be able to stand on balcony and wave.
• No vampires.
• Someone who loves children, but not that much.

Good job, Nick. I especially liked the last one. "The Ledge" is often pretty funny. They ran a blank column the day after the general election titled "Top Ten Good Things About Bush Winning."